Anxiety can feel like a curse, a brutal, middle-of-the-night alarm clock that leaves your heart pounding and your skin crawling. For years, I knew that crushing feeling. It didn’t just fade when the sun came up; often, it only intensified.
I watched friends turn to medication, but I honestly couldn’t see it making them feel fundamentally better. At the same time, I was in poor health—overweight, fueling myself with a poor diet, and barely moving my body. All I wanted was a cure for the awful anxiety and the poor health that came with it.
I was nearing the end of my thirties, and I simply refused to live like this anymore. I thought the only way I’d ever feel better was to lose the weight. Many of us believe this. Maybe then, if I could look in the mirror without hating my body, everything—even the anxiety—would magically disappear.
But deep down, I knew a pill wasn’t the answer. My goal became clear: lose weight and feel powerful by the time I hit 40.
The Day I Said “Bring It On”
You know the drill. You dabble. You start and stop diets and workouts. I needed something that would truly challenge me and not bore me to tears.
It was 2011, and my research led me to P90X. I knew it was ridiculously over my fitness level at the time, but the promise of getting stronger in 90 days sounded like a much better side effect than taking anxiety medication.
I bought the DVDs, devoured the meal plans, took my starting measurements, and officially began my fitness journey. I read every self-improvement “hack” I could find, even going so far as to sleep in my workout clothes—a Nike top and pants, ready to hit the ground running.
I started with 8-pound weights. Tony Horton, the instructor, was funny and engaging, making the impossible feel… possible. Some exercises weren’t as bad as I thought; others made me question my life choices! I cried, I thrived, and those 90 days became one of the greatest experiences of my life.
Yes, it was hard. I had so much to learn and strengthen, but every single morning, I got up. I showed up. I played Tony Horton’s workouts, and I got stronger and lost weight. The sheer experience of completing something so far out of my comfort zone, seeing the difficult challenge through, and getting tangible results is and always will be one of my greatest accomplishments. I felt so good, so alive, that I decided to become a personal trainer. I wanted others—those struggling with anxiety, low self-esteem, and health problems—to feel this kind of powerful confidence, too.
Movement: The Side Effect That Heals
Did 90 days with Tony cure my anxiety? No. But here’s the amazing part: it lessened the attacks, with the only side effect being feeling good and getting stronger.
I also cried a lot during those workouts. I had no idea why certain exercises brought on crying spells until I read that movement helps release stuck emotional toxins. My body was healing, and at the same time, so was my mind.
After P90X, I studied for my personal training certification and continued to exercise every morning. I became a morning person! I consumed motivation from Tony Robbins, Norman Vincent Peale, and my all-time favorite, Jordan Peterson, whose words brought me clarity and healing during my darkest times.
My anxiety didn’t disappear overnight. I had 40 years of negative talk, trauma, and low self-esteem to overcome. It was a long road, with amazing, spiritually energizing days and very low days I never thought would end.
But I learned one vital thing: on the hard days, I needed to move.
When the negative self-talk started its evil chatter, I headed straight to my basement gym.
Sometimes the workout took away all my problems; other times, it only mildly numbed the anxiety, leaving me crawling out of my skin at work. On those worst days, I added a walk to my lunch break. Then another walk when I got home. Adding walking was another massive tool for silencing the evil chatter in my head.
I noticed a pattern over and over: if I just kept moving—cleaning, walking, working out—it helped silence the noise. As an added bonus, my body became stronger, and the weight dropped off. People started calling me “little” or “small.” That powerful external validation fueled my self-esteem and encouraged me to help more people feel this exact way.
The Journey Continues
I wanted to start this blog to inspire you to find your way to move, to challenge your anxiety, and to discover the amazing feeling of health. This is just my beginning story. I plan to share so much more of my journey—from fitness revelations to my struggles with alcohol consumption (yes, even active people have setbacks!) and the path to healing from crippling anxiety.
The past 15 years have taught me that the body is an amazing signaling system. From knee pain to foggy brain, tiredness to sleepless nights, it’s telling you something. We, as humans, are amazing and can do anything or heal from anything we put our minds and bodies to.
It’s time to feel how great it is to be healthy and get moving.