Can you be a health nut and still drink alcohol? For years, I told myself the answer was a resounding “yes.”
I was the picture of discipline. I worked out every day, dropped 60 pounds, and eventually became a trainer to help others find their strength. I took care of my family and ate “clean” 90% of the time. Because of that 90%, I felt I had earned the right to be “Party Me” on the weekends. I thought I could balance the two.
But I was living a lie. That 10% was systematically destroying the other 90%.
I wanted to be the “Gym Girl” all week and the “Fun Girl” on Friday nights. The problem was that the “Fun Girl” was stealing everything from the “Gym Girl.” On Saturday mornings, I wasn’t out running. Instead, I was trapped in bed until noon, nursing a hangover. My heart was full of shame. I’d wake up groaning about an embarrassing comment I’d made. Worse, I’d have the terrifying realization that I had driven when I shouldn’t have.
I would swear it off for months. Yet, I always went back. Then the universe gave me three signs I could no longer ignore.
The Three Wake-Up Calls
I thank God every day that I finally listened to these moments. They were the floor I had to hit before I could stand up for good.
- The Physical Setback: I got so drunk I fell off a picnic table and cut my arm so badly that I couldn’t even go to the gym. For a full week, I was sidelined. Alcohol had finally physically barred me from the one place where I felt like my best self.
- The Near-Miss: I stayed out too late on a work night and had too much wine. I ran over a curb and did $750 in damage to my car. I am incredibly lucky that a repair bill was the only consequence. The “what ifs” of that night haunted my conscience for weeks.
- The Final Straw: The third sign came when I passed out alone in my room. I slammed my head on my bureau and broke a bracelet as I fell. I woke up on the floor with no memory of how I got there.
That was it. I realized that if I didn’t stop, the next story wouldn’t be about a broken bracelet. It would be about a broken life.
The Fortress: Discipline and Grace
Today, my mind is clear, my face isn’t puffy, and I haven’t missed a run in over a year. But the “chatter” doesn’t just vanish. When I’m out to dinner, I see a cold glass of wine at the next table. The whisper starts: “You’ve been so good. You deserve just one.”
I’ve had to build a fortress to keep that voice out—a blend of mental tactics and spiritual anchors.
The Mental Armor: Every morning, I prime my mind before the world gets in. I listen to mentors like Jordan Peterson, Jocko Willink, and David Goggins. They taught me Extreme Ownership. Their words act as my mental drill sergeant, reminding me that discipline isn’t a punishment—it’s the ultimate form of self-respect. I shut down the “chatter” by focusing on Tomorrow Me. I ask: How will she feel at 6:00 AM? Proud and energized, or back on the dark path I fought so hard to escape?
The Spiritual Foundation: But I learned that willpower has a ceiling. Discipline builds the walls, but Faith is the foundation. While the “tough-love” mentors give me the tactics to fight, my relationship with God gives me the peace to heal.
Bringing the Church back to the center of my life changed the “war” in my head into a “quiet.” The Rosary provides a unique strength. It is a rhythmic discipline similar to a workout. However, it strengthens the soul instead of the muscle. I find inspiration in the lives of the Saints. These are men and women who faced their own immense shadows. They found victory through grace. My discipline gets me to the starting line, but my faith is what carries me across.
A Message to the One Still Struggling
Ten years ago, I wrote a single sentence in my journal that I finally understand today:
“Trust me, you will lose everything from alcohol.”
If you are struggling like I was, please know that you can stop. You will feel more amazing than a drink could ever make you feel. Not drinking is the best decision I have ever made. I have traded the “Fun Girl” for the “Free Girl.” I know exactly what I did yesterday, and I know exactly who I will be tomorrow.
Best wishes on your journey to sobriety. You are stronger than the chatter, and you are never walking this path alone.